Sitting here, the single question that is running through my head is “Where do I even start?”
It is unbelievable how much is on my heart at the moment, and yet I have no idea how to articulate it; but I need to figure it out, or I will not sleep this evening.
Compassion. The face of Jesus. Restlessness. Prayer. Hope for future moments. Wishing you could make someone understand. The list goes on…
It wasn’t till recently that I realized how difficult it can be to see someone you care for suffer. Even when that care simply comes from knowing that Jesus cares for them, and not from having known the person for years, being there for them through every step, etc. Then, on top of that, how hard it is to see them suffer without falling into their Father’s loving arms. The home that they may or may not have known, but always needed, regardless of their state of mind or beliefs.
Then one would only have to begin to imagine how our Lord feels.
HE IS RIGHT THERE WAITING! Man, how I wish sometimes that I could just scream it.
His very own children; made in His image. Each and every life of which is planned out by Him. He has a perfect will for them, and they do not even realize it.
Lord, let them understand.
My God has been showing me how no person is brought into my life by happenstance. Each and every encounter, friendship, personal conversation; all of it is for a purpose. A purpose that should never be taken lightly, nor overlooked as “normal”, but instead as precious and beautiful. It is our job to be willing and ready to search out His will in it all.
He has been also showing me that serving Him does not stop when you step outside of church. One can be used by Him in every aspect of your life. And those precious, beautiful encounters with others are each an unique opportunity to be poured out, and then filled with His Spirit overflowing. Though this thought may seem obvious to some, I had to learn it. This may seem like “Christian common sense.” Duh, I should know this, but I find that every wise thing I know in life was learned at some point or another. I would never pass up the joy of a lesson “clicking” so that I could look like a “smart Christian.”
This weekend has been eye-opening to say the least. I’ve grown in Him these past couple days more than I have in a while, and have found that excitement for Him that I haven’t had in a while. It was a feeling that has been missed dearly.
But this time has brought a feeling of almost… regret. WELL, NOT IN THE LEAST BIT. But in a really silly, fleshly, childish, jokingly way, it has. Sometimes being broken for others can be difficult because you have absolutely no control over what goes on in their lives. Satan has tried to tell me that when I was numb and had loss so much feeling and compassion that that state was so much better. Nothing affected me. But I see now that those words are lies. It is a curse to be numb like that… I hate it. I am praying for those who are there. It is full of cons, and the only pro is a lie. Terrible.
As I watch people suffer and hurt without a known Savior, I get really anxious. Anxious to tell them that Jesus really LOVES them and wants them to come to Him. Anxious to fix things that I cannot fix. Anxious to see them happy again. Anxious to have my heartbeat slow down a little. Anxious to not have to hold back tears. Well, maybe not anxious… more like ready and willing. Haha.
Yet, at the same time, these feelings remind me that I am in tune with Him. We’re closer than we have been in a while. I want these feelings to go away and stay forever at the same time. The thing that is different about this sadness from the sadness I get whenever something is poopy in my life is that I am so darn happy. I see the Lord working. As much as I wish I could take them out of the situation, I know that He has a plan in it all and I simply need to be a prayer warrior as they fight against Satan’s attacks.
Lord, let them understand.
Various things have been showing me how much He loves US. All of us, yes. But, He has been reminding me of His love for those who do not love Him. My mother’s words hit me hardest. Have you ever sat and imagined the face of Jesus?
Really think about it.
His eyes full of compassion, His smile that must have been completely contagious, and well, the overall look of Love. *Cheesy alert* Sometimes I think of my daddy and the couple times I’ve seen him smile at me with tears in his eyes and tell me how blessed he is to have me as his daughter. THEN TIMES THAT BY A MILLION! Now that I think about it, I started considering this about a couple weeks ago.
Someday we will see those eyes, and fall into His arms. I think it will be the best hug you have ever experienced EVER. Embracing Jesus. Can you even begin to imagine? He has those eyes even after our sin and defiance nailed Him to that cross. If that does not move you, I am not sure what else to say.
How I long for people to look into my eyes and see Jesus’. To see His love through me. I do not deserve to be used in a such a way, but He wants to use me that way. Amazing.
I could go on forever and ever, but I am almost at a thousand words. So how about a picture?