Psalm 33:18-22

“But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear Him,
on those whose hope is in His unfailing love,
to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.
We wait in hope for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in His holy name.
May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in You.” -Psalm 33:18-22

I guess you could say these have been my theme verses this year.
“…wait in hope for the Lord!”
But today, waiting and hoping was harder than it normally is.

I really dislike the fact that I only write blogs when things are hard. A lot of people have been blogging (which I think is a hiiiilarious term. “blogging.” haha.). So, it just seemed fitting that I would, as well. Alright, that’s kind of a false statement. I’m writing because all these new blogs reminded me I actually had one, too. Haha. You get my point…

Back to the whole writing when it’s hard. I see people being strengthened and so encouraged by the Lord. Their eyes are opened, if only a little bit, more to His goodness. Now, I’m not saying I never see His goodness. He’s given me SO much!!! Just sometimes, Satan likes to cloud my vision.

Today was a day of sin being revealed, and being reminded of His promise to me. A promise He gave me only a few weeks ago, though it feels like months. “Trust in Me, be content with what I choose to give you, and when My time is right, you’ll see the blessing in it all.” As beautiful as it sounds, I know it means sacrifice. It means hard times. It means being stretched. It means not knowing.

Lately, I’ve been praying to be used by Him, to grow closer to Him, to be more like Him. The fact of the matter is for that to happen, I must die to myself and be completely emptied (and sacrifice!). “For these seeds to give birth to life, first they must die.” Ohh, Jon Foreman 🙂 Haha. I know He’ll honor my prayers, but I also know there is a process that must go before being useful. None of this is easy.

I’m not really sure how to get to my point, so I’m just gonna put it out there: Though, it may seem like I’m going through test after trial after stretch right now, it’s really all one of those big incredible God-experiences. My prayer is that I’ll add each situation up at the end of this year and they’ll equal something beautiful. He’s faithful. I get excited when I think about it! To know that, although it’s not always fun or easy, He’s working in ME!? How much more amazing could it get? It’s not just a general, “I’m going add a little patience to these 2,746,145,987 people” but, instead, “I’m going to work in these fruits intricately into Sophia today.” He pays attention to every little detail. And He does this with each of us individually.

This past week as a few youth from my church went to Mexico on a missions trip, I realized how much I want to go back to Russia. The door was closed this year for me, unfortunately. But, I know, He has a work for me here. Is it “smaller” in our human eyes? Yes. But is it any less important? Never! And He knows exactly what that work is, how long it will last, where it will take me, who I will meet, and how I’ll be used down to the smallest detail imaginable. It’s humbling to think He would care that much. I know from the sin He’s showed me today alone how much I do not deserve it. AT ALL!
It doesn’t matter to Him, though. When He looks at me, He sees someone just as worthy as His Son because when He looks at me, He sees the Blood. It’s a beautiful thought… In that alone, I can rejoice! I long to always have the perspective that recognizes how much she has and how little her troubles really are.

Also, Overflow was Monday! It was amazing, as usual 🙂 Group was especially encouraging. Two dear ladies did a lot of talking and I pretty much wish they kept going for like 5 more hours. Something He reminded me of during the discussion was the sacrifice He calls us to. “Then King David said to Ornan, “No, but I will surely buy it for the full price, for I will not take what is yours for the LORD, nor offer burnt offerings with that which costs me nothing.” 1 Chronicles 21:24
…that which costs me nothing… I cannot give the Lord my life without sacrifice. Nor can I give Him my year, my month, my week, or my day without sacrifice.
Thank you to all who spoke up during group on Monday. He definitely used you through the words spoken!

So, this is where I will wait, and this is where my hope lies:
His promise, His faithfulness, His plan.
“You are good, You are good, and Your love endures…”



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