Wind.

Here I am. My fingers have found these hard keys yet again.
For days upon days, I’ve desired to write and write till my problems have passed. Yet, by the grace of God I haven’t been able to. The times I’ve tried it’s all gone to the trash can. Although, time has not been really on my side these days. If my time isn’t being filled with school, it’s church, or friends, or even Facebook; which, unfortunately, has mostly brought me hurt. The tears that have filled my eyes and spilled straight into His bottle have too often been caused in so many ways by that silly social networking site. For the most part, only because it delivers information that I’d rather not know. Issues follow me home through it, and seemingly haunt me. No joke.

What I was getting at before my Facebook rant was that: basically, blogging hasn’t been at the top of my list. But, as I laid awake last night (thanks to the late afternoon cup of free coffee I drank) thoughts flooded my head.

Wind. Lately, my life has felt like wind. It blows and blows past me. Touching every part of me and leaving it’s affect. Blowing through my fingers, wisping through my hair, pushing me back and forth. Leaving its mark. Yet, I cannot have the slightest affect on it. Nothing I can do will stop it, slow it down, speed it up, or change its path. I look at my life and situation right now and it’s humbling. Have I lost the inkling of control I had? As situations spiral downward, is that it? Is there nothing I can do about it? Do people just flow past you like air… leaving their mark, never to be felt again. Once in a lifetime. Can I never grasp onto what I have? This wind often carries debris. Sometimes life hits you hard and leaves a bigger mark than usually desired. It knocks you down with force alone. Can you hide from it? Find a tree or a mountain where it’s not found? Or is life like a cloud. To the naked eye from miles and miles away, it certainly seems as though you can reach out and grab one, but when you look closer it is plain to see those clouds are simply air as well… slipping through your fingers. Why can’t it all just stop?

What pride are in those thoughts. To think that I ever had control of anything in my life in the first place. Yes, I have free will and can make my own decisions, but that’s about it. Anything else I do is not of me, but of Him. The One who can with a single word can stop a wind. My choices and decisions will either lead me to a place where I have no control over life and no hope, or they can lead me to a place where I have no control over life and all the hope I’ll ever need. What good is anything I “have” in this life if it all is left here when I pass, anyway?

Then I realize… Really, where can you escape from wind? Even if it stops, you’ll find that the sun is there; beating down on you. All distractions aside, the weight of your sin will have its affect on you. No, it mustn’t stop. Your only escape is a home, a house, a building. Someplace sturdy, strong; able to withstand any wind. A strong tower, a refuge, a sanctuary with a foundation as deep as it is tall. The question is not where, but more, to Whom will you run to escape from the winds? The King of kings and Lord of lords is our refuge. He has promised us that.

When one looks at all this from a distance, they might start to see something bring itself together. Why would our Lord use such a term as our “Home”, “Refuge”, “Strong Tower” to describe Himself?
As I restlessly thought over all of this last night, He showed me something…

Wind. It pushes you. Where to? A refuge.
Life. It pushes you. Where to? A Refuge.

The Lord uses hectic lifestyles, trials, tests, uncomfortable situations, complex moments blowing at us to push us to Him. Where can we run to escape from the wind? What does this world offer that is steady enough to withstand even the strongest winds? Nothing. No person, item, or action of this world will last. The winds will never stop…

As the smart society we are today, scientists have an explanation for wind. They have it down to a “science”, you might say. I’m sure there is a detailed definition and equally detailed equation for it all. We think we have it all thought out. We’ve reached the bottom line. But if our human minds could truly reach the bottom line, God wouldn’t be who He says He is. He goes far beyond our bottom line. As I’ve so thankfully learned the past week or so in church, He has a name no one but Himself knows (Revelation 19:12.) All that He is goes far deeper than we can ever imagine, and we’ll never find the bottom… although, we will push on for all eternity to try and find it. 🙂

As I reflect on everything going on around me, I can find peace. Maybe things I want to hold onto so badly will truly be lost forever. Maybe unfortunate situations will continue on like they are right now until Kingdom come. Maybe life will never slow down. But my peace comes from knowing that, that is okay. I run to my Refuge. Even as He orchestrates all these winds to blow at me, hurt me, hit me, knock me down, He does it so I can find Him. As I finish writing, I know that He is good. That brings me a beautiful joy. Nothing is outside of His plan for me.

“Righteousness will go before Him, and shall make His footsteps our pathway.” -Psalm 85:13

As much as the enemy has tried to attach sad memories, and tried to associate hurt with the passage, it still remains my favorite. I’m sure you know it and have read over and over. But read it again, open you heart and mind to hear Him:
Psalm 23.
“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.”

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