Lately, I’ve been filled with questions… Mainly, why. “Why, Lord? Why now? Why them? Why me? Why so soon? Why not sooner? Why at this time? Why isn’t it easy? Why hasn’t it gotten easier? Why is it getting harder? Why can’t I feel You? and Why am I so weary?” are just a few of the phrases that I’ve prayed a LOT in the past week or so. I know He has a plan, but it’s the whole, “I believe, but help my unbelief” thing that makes it hard. Satan has fought at every moment for my thoughts. He seeks to fill my head with doubt, fear, anxiousness, anger, judgment, and so on. Unfortunately, he’s been successful at times.

As I cried out to Him late last night, He whispered to me the exact words I needed to hear. I can’t really explain how sometimes we hear things and they have no affect, and other times they mean everything; but last night He spoke to me things that I hear over and over, yet, this time was different.

He filled me with His peace. I went to sleep last night knowing He was in control, and that His plan was perfect.

I think what I loved most about last night were the things He spoke to me that I haven’t heard before…

As decisions about my future are starting to have to be made, I continually find myself wondering what direction He wants me to go in. College? No college? Photography? Something totally different? I know what my heart yearns for and sincerely hopes He leads me to, yet, I’m still not sure what direction HE wants me to go. I do know this, though: whatever it is, He is preparing me for it through the trial I am in. Lately, He has been showing me myself. It hurts. A lot… in the words of Jon Foreman, “a mirror’s so much harder to hold.” There are so many sins He has brought to my attention and wants to deal with. This situation has brought about so many “why’s” it’s not even funny, but in His goodness, He’s answered them all in one way. No, maybe not the specifics, but that’s all part of His glorious mystery. I won’t know the details until He choose to set them before me. In spite of that, I know that every moment of my walk with Him is for a purpose. He’s showed me that He has brought about this season to make me ready, to grow me in Him, and to help me become like His Son. I can truly say that everything He’s brought me to is a blessing… The fact that He would even choose ME to speak to is beyond humbling and causes me to thank Him for every moment.

His goodness is more than I could ever ask for. Last night and today He has given me much needed rest, and time to get ready for the next step He is asking me to take… whatever that step is, I know that He is by my side. It will probably be hard. Most likely harder than anything I’ve experienced thus far, but I know I can cling to Him. Not only can I cling to Him, but He longs for me to do so. It’s so beautiful…

P.S. I know you probably reallyyyyy doubt it by now, but SOMEDAY I will post pictures. I just haven’t gotten to it yet… I’m busy. Haha 🙂 Maybe a video will suffice for now? I love this song (the first one– Safe), and the Lord has really spoke to me through it. I much prefer it acoustic, and this is the best acoustic version I could find. 🙂


2 Responses to “Three.Two.OhTen.”

  1. TaylorSmith Says:

    Aw, Sopapilla… I relate so well to this post. That first paragraph could sum up an entire season of my life. I’m praying for you and I’m so excited to see how God is going to use you and grow you. He has beautiful plans for you. And He is SO FAITHFUL to carry you through whatever it is that’s going on.
    I’m gonna leave you a few verses that have been total lifelines to me… maybe you’ll find one of them to be an encouragement.
    2 Cor. 10:4-6, James 3:16-18, Col. 3:12-17, Ps. 57:7, Lam. 3:22-26, Is. 41:13.
    Love you!

  2. fieldsofgreenphotography Says:

    Oh, Taylor! Those verse are so beautiful.. thank you for taking the time to give them to me 🙂 You’re such a blessing. Love you too!

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