I’m writing a whole lot. I won’t keep up this pace, I promise.

My mind is all over the place, though. Outside of prayer, which I’ve been doing a Lot of too, this is the only way to clear my head. Someday, I’ll actually post pictures, which is what the original purpose of this site was… but for now…

Two things have been on my mind:

1. Worthlessness

2. Not being needed

Those sound pretty depressing, and today has been pretty depressing, but that’s my fault. I’m a sinner. I’m a girl. I’m a teenager. Yep. But this blog won’t be depressing, or at least I hope it won’t. Maybe that will be a matter of opinion.

Concerning #1: He calls me worthy. I don’t want to have the desire to meet the world’s standards of worth. I have the promises of the Lord. I have His love, His care, His kindness, His comfort, His peace, His grace, His mercy, His faithfulness, His blessings… I am His. And that should be enough for me. I pray someday it truly will be.

To prove His faithfulness, as I was thinking about all of this, this song came on ♥:

“I know that she’s a liar when I look into her eyes, but I believe in every word she says.
She’s out to start a fire burning everything I have. I can’t put it out ’cause it’s all inside my head.
And then You sing, I hear You sing…

You call me lovely
You call me friend
You call me out of death and let me try again
You call me beloved
You call me clean
Then You show me all the beauty that You see in me

I still hear her whisper and sometimes I hear her shout, ‘you’re not good enough and you will never be.’
But if I focus on Your singing I can start to tune her out, ‘Cause You came with a love to set me free…

I know that You love me enough to die
And I will try to see the value that You place on me
And You say I’m worthy…”

That’s All the Beauty (Kati’s Story) by JJ Heller… if you haven’t heard of her, you have now! And you should really go listen to her stuff. Support her as well… buy a couple of her CDs! Her lyrics are incredible, and I can always find a song that I can relate to and that the Lord will speak to me through.

Whenever I heard this song I kind of inserted the bully girl with Satan because well, for one, I don’t even know what it would be like to have someone severely dislike you and be cruel to you seeing that I’ve been homeschooled for about 95% of my life. But also because I know that my false humbleness and negative thoughts I think about myself are sin and are of Satan–not of my Shepherd. He loves me. He made me exactly the way He wanted me. He gave me every talent I have, and He thinks they’re great even when I don’t. I can have confidence in this, but so often Satan likes to peer his horrible little head in and make me doubt. I know it’s possible for Him to be all I want and He IS enough for me… my flesh just longs for something else so often. Praise the Lord, He’s not done with me yet and He will keep reminding me of His love for me until I finally get it someday.

Now, concerning #2: It pretty much coincides with number one. I started thinking some really stupid thoughts and having this little pity party for myself. It was silly, but it made me think!

I can’t really explain what caused me to think about without explaining what I was thinking in the first place… so as pathetic as it sounds, I guess I’ll just give you the readers digest version right quick. Basically, I was feeling like I wasn’t good enough, and that I wasn’t good at anything, and that everyone could easily go on without me, and that no one would really care. Hahahaha.. it sounds so bad! I’m tellin’ ya, it was just one of those days. Of course, Don’t worry about me, though, I have my moments, but God is faithful & He always brings me back to His love. Like I said earlier: I’m a sinner. I’m a girl. I’m a teenager. Those last two are excuses, haha. So as I was saying, it made me think…

Could the world just go on without me?

  • Am I really making a difference in the lives of those around me? By that I mean, spiritually.
  • Am I encouraging people?
  • Am I being a good example in my every action?
  • Am I living solely for Christ?
  • Am I living in a way that He shines through?
  • Am I that weird person that always talks about Jesus?

The answer to each of those is no… at least that’s the answer most of the time.

But I challenge you, friend, as I challenge myself, to live like that! I want to have that “glow” for lack of a better term. I want to be that person that has such a passion for Him that if that passion ever goes away, people miss me. I know people that have that passion, and I know people whom I miss dearly because they once had that passion and don’t really anymore. My prayer is that the Lord will humble me, fill me with Him, and use me. It’s a simple prayer as far as words go, but it is by no means easy. The whole world is against it, but if He is for me, who can be against me? With God on my side… With VICTORY on my side, I can conquer. Another promise… We are more than conquerors in Christ! (Romans 8:37) This brings me so much joy.:) I hope you take this challenge with me, and I hope your God and your promise of Victory brings you as much joy as He has for me.

“This is my prayer in the battle, when Triumph is still on its way. I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ!

So firm on His promise I’ll stand!


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