Two.Sixteen.OhTen

Yes, I know I wrote two nights ago, but my mind has been racing ever since that post. Fears, memories, doubts, hopes, wishes, prayers, wants, sadness, brokenness, hurt, love, etc. All these emotions and thoughts have been flooding into my being non-stop. Prayer being my only escape…

The past two days I’ve learned what it really means for the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His. I have prayed that prayer time and time again, but all the thoughts toward this and what it means have all been false until now. He has shown me that it goes far beyond sympathy, and even compassion. “Break my heart for what breaks Yours…” brokenness in its fullness.

The past forty eighty hours a dear friend has been heavy on my heart. This person is struggling and my prayer was for Him to break my heart as His heart breaks for them. What I’ve experienced has never been known to me before. I’ve never felt pain like this before… because it is not of me or anything going on within me. God calls us to live a selfless life. It’s something I can’t explain in words on a keyboard, nor can I explain it to myself. I keep feeling so hurt and when I go to think about why, the Lord brings this person to mind, and there is no explanation to why I feel as I do.

All of my thoughts bring me to one thing… Jesus Christ… On that cross, not only did He have complete separation from God, but He was feeling the pain and brokenness of every single person that ever has and ever will walk this earth, annnd He had every sin on His shoulders. Each of us know the pains we’ve had to face in our lifetime. And each of us have been at that place where we feel like we can’t handle it anymore. And so many of us have felt far from God, like He wasn’t there. The thought of taking on every pain and every sorrow ever known to man upon yourself, all without someone to cry out to, is beyond me. I stand in amazement at my Savior, and as He has faithfully done in the past, He’s revealing to me the pain that was experienced for my heart. And to think, every time we hurt and draw away from Him, His heart breaks. In this time, I can only say I am blessed to be able to take on the hurts of another because I am one step closer to being like Him. It’s not easy. Especially when you are faced with your own hurts and your own sorrow as well, but it’s a gift. Oh, how I wish that when my heart breaks for someone that it would take away all of their pain. The fact of the matter is I can’t take it – and at times it kills me – but there is Someone who can and will. Maybe He won’t take it now, or in a week, or in a year, but the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us (Romans 8:18).

As I hurt, whether it be for myself or for another, I know this: I am blessed to suffer.

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