The Face of Jesus.

August 23, 2010

Sitting here, the single question that is running through my head is “Where do I even start?”
It is unbelievable how much is on my heart at the moment, and yet I have no idea how to articulate it; but I need to figure it out, or I will not sleep this evening.

Compassion. The face of Jesus. Restlessness. Prayer. Hope for future moments. Wishing you could make someone understand. The list goes on…

It wasn’t till recently that I realized how difficult it can be to see someone you care for suffer. Even when that care simply comes from knowing that Jesus cares for them, and not from having known the person for years, being there for them through every step, etc. Then, on top of that, how hard it is to see them suffer without falling into their Father’s loving arms. The home that they may or may not have known, but always needed, regardless of their state of mind or beliefs.

Then one would only have to begin to imagine how our Lord feels.
HE IS RIGHT THERE WAITING! Man, how I wish sometimes that I could just scream it.
His very own children; made in His image. Each and every life of which is planned out by Him. He has a perfect will for them, and they do not even realize it.

Lord, let them understand.

My God has been showing me how no person is brought into my life by happenstance. Each and every encounter, friendship, personal conversation; all of it is for a purpose. A purpose that should never be taken lightly, nor overlooked as “normal”, but instead as precious and beautiful. It is our job to be willing and ready to search out His will in it all.
He has been also showing me that serving Him does not stop when you step outside of church. One can be used by Him in every aspect of your life. And those precious, beautiful encounters with others are each an unique opportunity to be poured out, and then filled with His Spirit overflowing. Though this thought may seem obvious to some, I had to learn it. This may seem like “Christian common sense.” Duh, I should know this, but I find that every wise thing I know in life was learned at some point or another. I would never pass up the joy of a lesson “clicking” so that I could look like a “smart Christian.”

This weekend has been eye-opening to say the least. I’ve grown in Him these past couple days more than I have in a while, and have found that excitement for Him that I haven’t had in a while. It was a feeling that has been missed dearly.

But this time has brought a feeling of almost… regret. WELL, NOT IN THE LEAST BIT. But in a really silly, fleshly, childish, jokingly way, it has. Sometimes being broken for others can be difficult because you have absolutely no control over what goes on in their lives. Satan has tried to tell me that when I was numb and had loss so much feeling and compassion that that state was so much better. Nothing affected me. But I see now that those words are lies. It is a curse to be numb like that… I hate it. I am praying for those who are there. It is full of cons, and the only pro is a lie. Terrible.

As I watch people suffer and hurt without a known Savior, I get really anxious. Anxious to tell them that Jesus really LOVES them and wants them to come to Him. Anxious to fix things that I cannot fix. Anxious to see them happy again. Anxious to have my heartbeat slow down a little. Anxious to not have to hold back tears. Well, maybe not anxious… more like ready and willing. Haha.
Yet, at the same time, these feelings remind me that I am in tune with Him. We’re closer than we have been in a while. I want these feelings to go away and stay forever at the same time. The thing that is different about this sadness from the sadness I get whenever something is poopy in my life is that I am so darn happy. I see the Lord working. As much as I wish I could take them out of the situation, I know that He has a plan in it all and I simply need to be a prayer warrior as they fight against Satan’s attacks.

Lord, let them understand.

Various things have been showing me how much He loves US. All of us, yes. But, He has been reminding me of His love for those who do not love Him. My mother’s words hit me hardest. Have you ever sat and imagined the face of Jesus?

Really think about it.
His eyes full of compassion, His smile that must have been completely contagious, and well, the overall look of Love. *Cheesy alert* Sometimes I think of my daddy and the couple times I’ve seen him smile at me with tears in his eyes and tell me how blessed he is to have me as his daughter. THEN TIMES THAT BY A MILLION! Now that I think about it, I started considering this about a couple weeks ago.
Someday we will see those eyes, and fall into His arms. I think it will be the best hug you have ever experienced EVER. Embracing Jesus. Can you even begin to imagine? He has those eyes even after our sin and defiance nailed Him to that cross. If that does not move you, I am not sure what else to say.

How I long for people to look into my eyes and see Jesus’. To see His love through me. I do not deserve to be used in a such a way, but He wants to use me that way. Amazing.

I could go on forever and ever, but I am almost at a thousand words. So how about a picture?

…is Jesus your Lord?
Is Jesus Your Lord?Maybe it will make up for the other thousand that are still within my heart.


The Meaning.

July 3, 2010

God is good.
God is good.
God is good.

Lately, I’ve been in a good place. I love it here… it’s hard, yet, worth every second.
My Lord and Savior, Creator of the Universe, Designer of my heart, Artist of the skies, my beautiful Shepherd has been revealing Himself to me. Me! Even in my lowest moments, He chooses to speak… to whisper His wisdom and love to me.

I have had my rough spots. Worse than rough.

One morning this week I found myself completely crying out to Him. I was mad… I told Him I hated what I was faced with and that I couldn’t do it any longer. I was done. All the while, in a way so unique to my Shepherd, He reminded me that it was not by MY might or MY power, but only by HIS Spirit that I could continue on. That I WOULD continue on.

“So he said to me, “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.” -Zechariah 4:6

He also loving reminded me that I was being completely self-centered and over-dramatic. Yep. Truth.
Haha 🙂 Later on that day He spoke to me some more when I was in a stable condition. Like, able to breath and see clearly. Haha.

Our GOD knows everything about us. He has formed us to the smallest detail. He’s planned every part of our lives and made them exactly the way He wanted. His will for us is PERFECT. Yet, so often we tell Him He’s wrong, He’s not good enough, He doesn’t know what He’s doing…
I can only imagine that this breaks His heart. His own children that He loves unconditionally are disappointed in the life He’s made for them. He cares for us even in our sin, and reaches His hand of forgiveness to whomever is willing to turn to Him. It’s a beautiful picture. Though, without thinking, we tend to reject it. Our eyes are so set on ourselves that we can’t see Him… or even His love for us.

I’m sure you’ve heard the song Hosanna by Hillsong United. And I’m sure you love the bridge.

“Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Everything I have for Your Kingdom’s cause.
As I walk from earth into eternity…”

…break MY HEART for what breaks YOURS!
Are we broken over our ungratefulness?
Are we broken over the fact that we have criticized God Almighty?
Are broken over continually breaking God’s heart?

I don’t really know where any of this is going or where it has been. But it’s what has been on my heart. It hurts me to know that I would tell my Jesus He’s not doing things right. The thought brings tears to my eyes.

What is the meaning of that line? That line that has convicted me over and over, and has also meant many things to me; that line has hit home again.

It breaks my heart that I would break Yours.
I’m sorry. I love You. Thank You…

“In Christ alone, my hope is found.
He is my Light, my Strength, my Song.
This Cornerstone, this Solid Ground;
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace!
When fears are stilled, when striving cease.
My Comforter, my All in all… Here in the Love of Christ,
I stand.

Psalm 33:18-22

June 18, 2010

“But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear Him,
on those whose hope is in His unfailing love,
to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.
We wait in hope for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in His holy name.
May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in You.” -Psalm 33:18-22

I guess you could say these have been my theme verses this year.
“…wait in hope for the Lord!”
But today, waiting and hoping was harder than it normally is.

I really dislike the fact that I only write blogs when things are hard. A lot of people have been blogging (which I think is a hiiiilarious term. “blogging.” haha.). So, it just seemed fitting that I would, as well. Alright, that’s kind of a false statement. I’m writing because all these new blogs reminded me I actually had one, too. Haha. You get my point…

Back to the whole writing when it’s hard. I see people being strengthened and so encouraged by the Lord. Their eyes are opened, if only a little bit, more to His goodness. Now, I’m not saying I never see His goodness. He’s given me SO much!!! Just sometimes, Satan likes to cloud my vision.

Today was a day of sin being revealed, and being reminded of His promise to me. A promise He gave me only a few weeks ago, though it feels like months. “Trust in Me, be content with what I choose to give you, and when My time is right, you’ll see the blessing in it all.” As beautiful as it sounds, I know it means sacrifice. It means hard times. It means being stretched. It means not knowing.

Lately, I’ve been praying to be used by Him, to grow closer to Him, to be more like Him. The fact of the matter is for that to happen, I must die to myself and be completely emptied (and sacrifice!). “For these seeds to give birth to life, first they must die.” Ohh, Jon Foreman 🙂 Haha. I know He’ll honor my prayers, but I also know there is a process that must go before being useful. None of this is easy.

I’m not really sure how to get to my point, so I’m just gonna put it out there: Though, it may seem like I’m going through test after trial after stretch right now, it’s really all one of those big incredible God-experiences. My prayer is that I’ll add each situation up at the end of this year and they’ll equal something beautiful. He’s faithful. I get excited when I think about it! To know that, although it’s not always fun or easy, He’s working in ME!? How much more amazing could it get? It’s not just a general, “I’m going add a little patience to these 2,746,145,987 people” but, instead, “I’m going to work in these fruits intricately into Sophia today.” He pays attention to every little detail. And He does this with each of us individually.

This past week as a few youth from my church went to Mexico on a missions trip, I realized how much I want to go back to Russia. The door was closed this year for me, unfortunately. But, I know, He has a work for me here. Is it “smaller” in our human eyes? Yes. But is it any less important? Never! And He knows exactly what that work is, how long it will last, where it will take me, who I will meet, and how I’ll be used down to the smallest detail imaginable. It’s humbling to think He would care that much. I know from the sin He’s showed me today alone how much I do not deserve it. AT ALL!
It doesn’t matter to Him, though. When He looks at me, He sees someone just as worthy as His Son because when He looks at me, He sees the Blood. It’s a beautiful thought… In that alone, I can rejoice! I long to always have the perspective that recognizes how much she has and how little her troubles really are.

Also, Overflow was Monday! It was amazing, as usual 🙂 Group was especially encouraging. Two dear ladies did a lot of talking and I pretty much wish they kept going for like 5 more hours. Something He reminded me of during the discussion was the sacrifice He calls us to. “Then King David said to Ornan, “No, but I will surely buy it for the full price, for I will not take what is yours for the LORD, nor offer burnt offerings with that which costs me nothing.” 1 Chronicles 21:24
…that which costs me nothing… I cannot give the Lord my life without sacrifice. Nor can I give Him my year, my month, my week, or my day without sacrifice.
Thank you to all who spoke up during group on Monday. He definitely used you through the words spoken!

So, this is where I will wait, and this is where my hope lies:
His promise, His faithfulness, His plan.
“You are good, You are good, and Your love endures…”


“…and He hears me when I call…”

April 28, 2010

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He’ll never leave me
No matter where I go


April 16, 2010

Here I am. My fingers have found these hard keys yet again.
For days upon days, I’ve desired to write and write till my problems have passed. Yet, by the grace of God I haven’t been able to. The times I’ve tried it’s all gone to the trash can. Although, time has not been really on my side these days. If my time isn’t being filled with school, it’s church, or friends, or even Facebook; which, unfortunately, has mostly brought me hurt. The tears that have filled my eyes and spilled straight into His bottle have too often been caused in so many ways by that silly social networking site. For the most part, only because it delivers information that I’d rather not know. Issues follow me home through it, and seemingly haunt me. No joke.

What I was getting at before my Facebook rant was that: basically, blogging hasn’t been at the top of my list. But, as I laid awake last night (thanks to the late afternoon cup of free coffee I drank) thoughts flooded my head.

Wind. Lately, my life has felt like wind. It blows and blows past me. Touching every part of me and leaving it’s affect. Blowing through my fingers, wisping through my hair, pushing me back and forth. Leaving its mark. Yet, I cannot have the slightest affect on it. Nothing I can do will stop it, slow it down, speed it up, or change its path. I look at my life and situation right now and it’s humbling. Have I lost the inkling of control I had? As situations spiral downward, is that it? Is there nothing I can do about it? Do people just flow past you like air… leaving their mark, never to be felt again. Once in a lifetime. Can I never grasp onto what I have? This wind often carries debris. Sometimes life hits you hard and leaves a bigger mark than usually desired. It knocks you down with force alone. Can you hide from it? Find a tree or a mountain where it’s not found? Or is life like a cloud. To the naked eye from miles and miles away, it certainly seems as though you can reach out and grab one, but when you look closer it is plain to see those clouds are simply air as well… slipping through your fingers. Why can’t it all just stop?

What pride are in those thoughts. To think that I ever had control of anything in my life in the first place. Yes, I have free will and can make my own decisions, but that’s about it. Anything else I do is not of me, but of Him. The One who can with a single word can stop a wind. My choices and decisions will either lead me to a place where I have no control over life and no hope, or they can lead me to a place where I have no control over life and all the hope I’ll ever need. What good is anything I “have” in this life if it all is left here when I pass, anyway?

Then I realize… Really, where can you escape from wind? Even if it stops, you’ll find that the sun is there; beating down on you. All distractions aside, the weight of your sin will have its affect on you. No, it mustn’t stop. Your only escape is a home, a house, a building. Someplace sturdy, strong; able to withstand any wind. A strong tower, a refuge, a sanctuary with a foundation as deep as it is tall. The question is not where, but more, to Whom will you run to escape from the winds? The King of kings and Lord of lords is our refuge. He has promised us that.

When one looks at all this from a distance, they might start to see something bring itself together. Why would our Lord use such a term as our “Home”, “Refuge”, “Strong Tower” to describe Himself?
As I restlessly thought over all of this last night, He showed me something…

Wind. It pushes you. Where to? A refuge.
Life. It pushes you. Where to? A Refuge.

The Lord uses hectic lifestyles, trials, tests, uncomfortable situations, complex moments blowing at us to push us to Him. Where can we run to escape from the wind? What does this world offer that is steady enough to withstand even the strongest winds? Nothing. No person, item, or action of this world will last. The winds will never stop…

As the smart society we are today, scientists have an explanation for wind. They have it down to a “science”, you might say. I’m sure there is a detailed definition and equally detailed equation for it all. We think we have it all thought out. We’ve reached the bottom line. But if our human minds could truly reach the bottom line, God wouldn’t be who He says He is. He goes far beyond our bottom line. As I’ve so thankfully learned the past week or so in church, He has a name no one but Himself knows (Revelation 19:12.) All that He is goes far deeper than we can ever imagine, and we’ll never find the bottom… although, we will push on for all eternity to try and find it. 🙂

As I reflect on everything going on around me, I can find peace. Maybe things I want to hold onto so badly will truly be lost forever. Maybe unfortunate situations will continue on like they are right now until Kingdom come. Maybe life will never slow down. But my peace comes from knowing that, that is okay. I run to my Refuge. Even as He orchestrates all these winds to blow at me, hurt me, hit me, knock me down, He does it so I can find Him. As I finish writing, I know that He is good. That brings me a beautiful joy. Nothing is outside of His plan for me.

“Righteousness will go before Him, and shall make His footsteps our pathway.” -Psalm 85:13

As much as the enemy has tried to attach sad memories, and tried to associate hurt with the passage, it still remains my favorite. I’m sure you know it and have read over and over. But read it again, open you heart and mind to hear Him:
Psalm 23.
“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD


April 2, 2010

So it’s been a while since I’ve written… I guess there’s a reason for the absence, but not exactly. I could write about so much. I have had the desire to write about so much. I have tried to write so many times. But here I am, still not writing.

Today I’m going to post pictures.

Everything I so long to give to these faithful keys under my fingers will be kept inside… maybe for only a little while longer, but maybe my feelings: my hurt, my joy, my hope, my lack of hope… maybe none of it belongs on a computer. I wonder if I could truly ever describe how I have felt lately. The emotions that have passed through… could they ever really truly be eloquently relayed to you via a blog? Maybe they could! Maybe it’s only because I don’t want to recall the trials I’ve faced. Maybe pain is something I’m choosing not to bring upon myself by telling the story to a blog. God has been faithful though, so I will say this: His plan is perfect, even if we don’t see it at the time. It’s as simple as that, but so hard to believe.
He’s broken me for my own good. He will make me whole… He will break me again, but He has a plan in it all. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I believe, but help my unbelief!

“You are my Love, my Life… always forever.”

On to those pictures that I spoke of… They’re not exactly recent, but it’s close enough. I didn’t have the drive to post them when they were actually taken. Go figure.

First! A dear friend of mine, Emily, let me take photos of her a while back! Here is the product:

How about some sunrise photos? 🙂 The first is one of my favorite photos I’ve ever taken!:

When sorrows like seabillows roll...


That’s it for now… hopefully, I’ll get to share with you some of my film/polaroid photos soon! If I would just get them scanned! Haha 🙂

Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the LORD,”You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” -Psalm 16:1-2


March 2, 2010

Lately, I’ve been filled with questions… Mainly, why. “Why, Lord? Why now? Why them? Why me? Why so soon? Why not sooner? Why at this time? Why isn’t it easy? Why hasn’t it gotten easier? Why is it getting harder? Why can’t I feel You? and Why am I so weary?” are just a few of the phrases that I’ve prayed a LOT in the past week or so. I know He has a plan, but it’s the whole, “I believe, but help my unbelief” thing that makes it hard. Satan has fought at every moment for my thoughts. He seeks to fill my head with doubt, fear, anxiousness, anger, judgment, and so on. Unfortunately, he’s been successful at times.

As I cried out to Him late last night, He whispered to me the exact words I needed to hear. I can’t really explain how sometimes we hear things and they have no affect, and other times they mean everything; but last night He spoke to me things that I hear over and over, yet, this time was different.

He filled me with His peace. I went to sleep last night knowing He was in control, and that His plan was perfect.

I think what I loved most about last night were the things He spoke to me that I haven’t heard before…

As decisions about my future are starting to have to be made, I continually find myself wondering what direction He wants me to go in. College? No college? Photography? Something totally different? I know what my heart yearns for and sincerely hopes He leads me to, yet, I’m still not sure what direction HE wants me to go. I do know this, though: whatever it is, He is preparing me for it through the trial I am in. Lately, He has been showing me myself. It hurts. A lot… in the words of Jon Foreman, “a mirror’s so much harder to hold.” There are so many sins He has brought to my attention and wants to deal with. This situation has brought about so many “why’s” it’s not even funny, but in His goodness, He’s answered them all in one way. No, maybe not the specifics, but that’s all part of His glorious mystery. I won’t know the details until He choose to set them before me. In spite of that, I know that every moment of my walk with Him is for a purpose. He’s showed me that He has brought about this season to make me ready, to grow me in Him, and to help me become like His Son. I can truly say that everything He’s brought me to is a blessing… The fact that He would even choose ME to speak to is beyond humbling and causes me to thank Him for every moment.

His goodness is more than I could ever ask for. Last night and today He has given me much needed rest, and time to get ready for the next step He is asking me to take… whatever that step is, I know that He is by my side. It will probably be hard. Most likely harder than anything I’ve experienced thus far, but I know I can cling to Him. Not only can I cling to Him, but He longs for me to do so. It’s so beautiful…

P.S. I know you probably reallyyyyy doubt it by now, but SOMEDAY I will post pictures. I just haven’t gotten to it yet… I’m busy. Haha 🙂 Maybe a video will suffice for now? I love this song (the first one– Safe), and the Lord has really spoke to me through it. I much prefer it acoustic, and this is the best acoustic version I could find. 🙂


February 26, 2010

It’s been almost ten days since I’ve written… but I don’t have much I can or should say at the moment. So I won’t.

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” ” 1 Peter 1:13-16

“You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 2:1

“How high, how deep is Your love for me

and You will never let me go.

Light or darkness, doesn’t matter because

You will never let me go.

And I will never cry alone,

and You will always be my Home,

and You tell me so…

You love everyone that I love

more than I ever could.

Though my days are filled with trouble,

Lord, I know You’re good.

And I will never cry alone,

and You will always be my home,

And You tell me so…

Little ones to You belong.

When I am weak, You are strong…” You Tell Me So

By JJ Heller

Till we meet again… 🙂


February 17, 2010

I’m writing a whole lot. I won’t keep up this pace, I promise.

My mind is all over the place, though. Outside of prayer, which I’ve been doing a Lot of too, this is the only way to clear my head. Someday, I’ll actually post pictures, which is what the original purpose of this site was… but for now…

Two things have been on my mind:

1. Worthlessness

2. Not being needed

Those sound pretty depressing, and today has been pretty depressing, but that’s my fault. I’m a sinner. I’m a girl. I’m a teenager. Yep. But this blog won’t be depressing, or at least I hope it won’t. Maybe that will be a matter of opinion.

Concerning #1: He calls me worthy. I don’t want to have the desire to meet the world’s standards of worth. I have the promises of the Lord. I have His love, His care, His kindness, His comfort, His peace, His grace, His mercy, His faithfulness, His blessings… I am His. And that should be enough for me. I pray someday it truly will be.

To prove His faithfulness, as I was thinking about all of this, this song came on ♥:

“I know that she’s a liar when I look into her eyes, but I believe in every word she says.
She’s out to start a fire burning everything I have. I can’t put it out ’cause it’s all inside my head.
And then You sing, I hear You sing…

You call me lovely
You call me friend
You call me out of death and let me try again
You call me beloved
You call me clean
Then You show me all the beauty that You see in me

I still hear her whisper and sometimes I hear her shout, ‘you’re not good enough and you will never be.’
But if I focus on Your singing I can start to tune her out, ‘Cause You came with a love to set me free…

I know that You love me enough to die
And I will try to see the value that You place on me
And You say I’m worthy…”

That’s All the Beauty (Kati’s Story) by JJ Heller… if you haven’t heard of her, you have now! And you should really go listen to her stuff. Support her as well… buy a couple of her CDs! Her lyrics are incredible, and I can always find a song that I can relate to and that the Lord will speak to me through.

Whenever I heard this song I kind of inserted the bully girl with Satan because well, for one, I don’t even know what it would be like to have someone severely dislike you and be cruel to you seeing that I’ve been homeschooled for about 95% of my life. But also because I know that my false humbleness and negative thoughts I think about myself are sin and are of Satan–not of my Shepherd. He loves me. He made me exactly the way He wanted me. He gave me every talent I have, and He thinks they’re great even when I don’t. I can have confidence in this, but so often Satan likes to peer his horrible little head in and make me doubt. I know it’s possible for Him to be all I want and He IS enough for me… my flesh just longs for something else so often. Praise the Lord, He’s not done with me yet and He will keep reminding me of His love for me until I finally get it someday.

Now, concerning #2: It pretty much coincides with number one. I started thinking some really stupid thoughts and having this little pity party for myself. It was silly, but it made me think!

I can’t really explain what caused me to think about without explaining what I was thinking in the first place… so as pathetic as it sounds, I guess I’ll just give you the readers digest version right quick. Basically, I was feeling like I wasn’t good enough, and that I wasn’t good at anything, and that everyone could easily go on without me, and that no one would really care. Hahahaha.. it sounds so bad! I’m tellin’ ya, it was just one of those days. Of course, Don’t worry about me, though, I have my moments, but God is faithful & He always brings me back to His love. Like I said earlier: I’m a sinner. I’m a girl. I’m a teenager. Those last two are excuses, haha. So as I was saying, it made me think…

Could the world just go on without me?

  • Am I really making a difference in the lives of those around me? By that I mean, spiritually.
  • Am I encouraging people?
  • Am I being a good example in my every action?
  • Am I living solely for Christ?
  • Am I living in a way that He shines through?
  • Am I that weird person that always talks about Jesus?

The answer to each of those is no… at least that’s the answer most of the time.

But I challenge you, friend, as I challenge myself, to live like that! I want to have that “glow” for lack of a better term. I want to be that person that has such a passion for Him that if that passion ever goes away, people miss me. I know people that have that passion, and I know people whom I miss dearly because they once had that passion and don’t really anymore. My prayer is that the Lord will humble me, fill me with Him, and use me. It’s a simple prayer as far as words go, but it is by no means easy. The whole world is against it, but if He is for me, who can be against me? With God on my side… With VICTORY on my side, I can conquer. Another promise… We are more than conquerors in Christ! (Romans 8:37) This brings me so much joy.:) I hope you take this challenge with me, and I hope your God and your promise of Victory brings you as much joy as He has for me.

“This is my prayer in the battle, when Triumph is still on its way. I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ!

So firm on His promise I’ll stand!


February 16, 2010

Yes, I know I wrote two nights ago, but my mind has been racing ever since that post. Fears, memories, doubts, hopes, wishes, prayers, wants, sadness, brokenness, hurt, love, etc. All these emotions and thoughts have been flooding into my being non-stop. Prayer being my only escape…

The past two days I’ve learned what it really means for the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His. I have prayed that prayer time and time again, but all the thoughts toward this and what it means have all been false until now. He has shown me that it goes far beyond sympathy, and even compassion. “Break my heart for what breaks Yours…” brokenness in its fullness.

The past forty eighty hours a dear friend has been heavy on my heart. This person is struggling and my prayer was for Him to break my heart as His heart breaks for them. What I’ve experienced has never been known to me before. I’ve never felt pain like this before… because it is not of me or anything going on within me. God calls us to live a selfless life. It’s something I can’t explain in words on a keyboard, nor can I explain it to myself. I keep feeling so hurt and when I go to think about why, the Lord brings this person to mind, and there is no explanation to why I feel as I do.

All of my thoughts bring me to one thing… Jesus Christ… On that cross, not only did He have complete separation from God, but He was feeling the pain and brokenness of every single person that ever has and ever will walk this earth, annnd He had every sin on His shoulders. Each of us know the pains we’ve had to face in our lifetime. And each of us have been at that place where we feel like we can’t handle it anymore. And so many of us have felt far from God, like He wasn’t there. The thought of taking on every pain and every sorrow ever known to man upon yourself, all without someone to cry out to, is beyond me. I stand in amazement at my Savior, and as He has faithfully done in the past, He’s revealing to me the pain that was experienced for my heart. And to think, every time we hurt and draw away from Him, His heart breaks. In this time, I can only say I am blessed to be able to take on the hurts of another because I am one step closer to being like Him. It’s not easy. Especially when you are faced with your own hurts and your own sorrow as well, but it’s a gift. Oh, how I wish that when my heart breaks for someone that it would take away all of their pain. The fact of the matter is I can’t take it – and at times it kills me – but there is Someone who can and will. Maybe He won’t take it now, or in a week, or in a year, but the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us (Romans 8:18).

As I hurt, whether it be for myself or for another, I know this: I am blessed to suffer.